Lost and (Not Wanting to Be) Found

Growing up, many times I have been told that I seemed lost. By friends, by shop owners, or by strangers on the streets wondering if I needed some help. It is true. I’m not the most engaged conversationalist and I tune out listening to chit-chats. A lot of the times, I walk into stores not wanting anything but the enjoyment of the wander. I’m probably not the world’s best map-reader either. But in truth, I never minded the lostness. Even if only a glimpse, it’s provided me with the refuge to connect to that something other-worldly, so I can feel really alive again.

What is that something exactly?

There are many things we call it. Imagination. Inspiration. Creativity. Perceptivity. The Mind? The Heart? The Universe? Or alternative reality? Elizabeth Gilbert calls it The Big Magic, and to me, it is certainly magical, and wonderful. And I wish I can be lost in it for awhile, and awhile longer.

But, no one can be lost in it forever. Most of us have been conditioned to search, to look, to find and to know. Not having the answer is not a goal. Striving for truth feels like our default. Whilst it is wonderful to be connected to that something bigger, there will be the inevitable fear of losing touch with ourselves ironically, and the urgency to come back to ‘reality’. The act of losing oneself then finding oneself again is commended. But the outcome of being lost is not welcomed – only an intermittent burden we try hard to ignore and shake off.

In astrology, Neptune and the 12th house are the domains of that otherworldly connection, and losing oneself in it. To make the connection, you can lose yourself in arts, in music, in films, and other creative endeavours. You can lose yourself in religion, in faith, in the pursuit of the all-knowing-truth. You can lose yourself in bigger dreams –  in raising global consciousness and saving the poor. You can equally lose yourself in illness, drugs and alcohol. No matter which way you choose, you are reaching out and getting a glimpse of that something beyond us, beyond what is known.

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In your natal chart, look to the sign of your 12th house and which house Neptune is placed to get an idea where you are likely to lose yourself. Strong contacts with Neptune in the chart can colour it too. Check out Prague II – Sun Neptune: The ongoing search for self and perfection if you’d like to know more about Neptune aspects.

Aries can lose themselves in ideas. Taurus can lose themselves in nature. Gemini can lose themselves in their head. Cancer can lose themselves in their feelings. Leo can lose themselves to their pride. Virgo can lose themselves serving others. Libra can lose themselves to their partners. Scorpio can lose themselves in sex. Sagittarius can lose themselves in long distance travels. Capricorns can lose themselves in their career. Aquarius can lose themselves for their ideals. Pisces can lose themselves, in themselves.

This are just short examples. Of course there are many possible interpretations, and many more ways to be lost. Traditionally, the 12th house is also known as the House of Undoing, where your past and what sits in the unconscious comes back to haunt you. I may be digressing here, but it’s just interesting to note that even this astrology denotation suggests something unpleasant with losing oneself or being lost.

But what if losing ourselves is just the right thing? What if we are supposed to lose ourselves, again and again? What if we can be okay with being lost?

What if we are lost so we can truly discover ourselves? What if we are lost so we can learn to block out noise and listen only to ourselves? What if we are lost so we can grow and expand and become a better version of ourselves? What if we are lost because we believe our relationships with others can be more compassionate, our relationships with animals and nature can be more loving, and our relationships with the world can be more unconditional?

To me, these are all not bad reasons to be lost. It’s okay to be lost. And maybe it’s okay too, to not be in a hurry to find or to be found.

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